Belfast Harlequins 4th XV versus Donaghadee 2nd XV

Match Reporter - Mark Nicholl

It was a Friday night in South Belfast when the men of Donaghadee 2nd XV emerged from the cold, dark night into the superb facility of Belfast Harlequins club house. The lads quickly pulled on their gear, shook off the working week, inhaled the aural assault of deep heat, unwashed kit and Old Spice to take to the turf for a much needed warm up. The going was firm to medium and begged for an expansive and dynamic game plan. The strong Dee unit automatically moved into the warm up drills that have been taught to the squad by Coach McKee, like a Jedi Master with his apprentice Padawan, and bonded into the subconscious of the players. On a bitter cold night, the correct preparation pre-match would be essential to avoid injury and start the game bright and accurate.

The team talk back in the away dressing room before kick-off was marshalled by ‘Big Bossman’ Tom Northey in a way as yet unknown to the Dee men. With Schmidt like attention to detail a written team talk was produced and resulted in stone-set expressions and nods of agreement throughout the eighteen assembled warriors. Captain ‘Million Dollar Man’ Chris Scott finished with a rousing battle speech that Mel Gibson could only dream of for the Braveheart script and the Dee men roared their battle cry before taking to the pitch.

From the whistle Harlequins chased their 10’s kick with vim and vigour the resulting early pressure forced a knock on from the Dee forwards. The pack then had the opportunity to weigh up the opposition in the set piece. The Dee scrum proved strong and would have turned the ball over if it wasn’t for the 1.5 meter rule. The Harlequins possession was short lived however as the Dee’s defence, the key stone and strength of the season so far, held firm like Troy’s gates. Harlequins had no Trojan horse however and possession was soon wrestled back into Dee hands. Subsequent strong set piece from a lineout and direct running from the back-row combo of ‘Stone Cold’ Stevie Cullen and ‘Hitman’ Stuart Robinson released ‘Rowdy Roddie’ Andy Armstrong to powerfully carry over the try line for the first score. As the game is want to do, Harlequins came back at the Dee with a series of probing runs and interplay between backs and forwards around the midfield. Conditions made for fast, ball in hand running rugby but the ‘The Undertaker’ Ozzie Gordon was having none of it. Like Trump’s Mexican wall the Harlequins defence was not crossing into the Dee territory with Ozzie putting in big hits forcing a knock on. The forward dominance was starting to come into the ascendancy and with the Dee backline salivating for the ball like a starved dog after the dinner table scraps the ball was released by ‘Jake the Snake’ Robbie Ingham and distributed out to the wing of ‘Ric Flair’ Andy McGrugan who chased down a grubber kick for the second try of the game. The ball was gathered from the restart by ‘Hacksaw’ Phil Collins who was ably supported by the tight five. The Dee men swept into the Harlequins half through strong carries from the legend that is ‘The Macho Man’ Davy Scott and link play from ‘Texas Tornado’ Owen Bailie. The gallant Harlequins defence could not hold out however and ‘Jake the Snake’ Ingham darted in for another try. The conversion was executed like an Aztec sun god offering as the ball floated towards the bright floodlights and over the bar by McGrugan. The following restart had the Harlequins pack bare down on the Dee receiver like shoppers on Black Friday chasing the bargains. This resulted in a fumble and a period of possession for the Harlequins men. This purple patch resulted in time on the ball but no real incursion into the Dee half, again the defence was akin to a Viking shield wall and weathered the efforts of Harlequins on the attack. A turnover on the half way line by the industrious ‘Hulk Hogan’ Garry Coffey saw the ball in the hands of the northern colossus ‘British Bulldog’ Andy Jarvis. A barnstorming run from fullback by ‘Ric Rude’ Dickie Bailey saw gasps of adoration and nods of appreciation from the travelling Dee faithful as the Harlequins try line was breached for the fourth time in forty minutes.

Half time Harlequins 0 – Donaghadee 22.

Half time brought the opportunity to rest a few Dee stalwarts. Ozzie Gordon made way for ‘Stone Cold’ Jack Mathews, Coffey for ‘Triple H’ Johnny Johnson and ‘The Big Show’ Craig Gibson came on to hook after warming up the shoulders with a one on one involving local traffic. A reshuffle of the back line had Jarvis live the dream and take the 10 berth whilst Baillie switched to the wing.

With the commencement of the second half the Dee XV had the upper hand with simple upfront style of play. The ‘British Bulldog’ Jarvis was inviting strong carries of both shoulders by the willing forward pack like he was giving out free t-shirts. This series of carries saw the Dee plough through the Harlequins defence. A 7th phase ruck had the ball served up like a Michelin entrée to Andy Jarvis who danced past the willing defence like Bruce Forsythe and scored the opener of the second half. The game became loose with the Harlequins side coming off second best to a rampant Dee pack and impressively incisive back line. Harlequins clearance kick out of their territory on the occasion of possession from an inaccurate Dee lineout, had the ball plucked from the sky by Dickie Bailey who then made full advantage of the broken field with another trademark run to glory. Impressive tackling from the Harlequins 13 was well met by the Dee support play. A pick and go that a Short Strand shoplifter would have been proud of saw Coffey crash through two defenders to score a well-deserved try. The ‘Texas Tornado’ Owen Baillie wound up and delivered the addition two points. With 20 minutes of the half to go the superior fitness of the Dee men, earned through hard pre-season torture that is probably outlawed under the Geneva Convention, ensured the relenting attack and miserly defence hold firm. ‘Stone Cold’ Matthews finished of a well drilled driving maul on the Harlequins 5m line with aplomb. Owen Baillie stepped up for the conversion like he owned the pitch and slotted home like a gambler feeding his favourite one-armed bandit. Stephen ‘Yokozuna’ Gamble displayed a hunger for the ball and was involved in backline play throughout the half. With minutes to go on the clock his selfless display was rewarded when made a break down the touch line from halfway and dived for the corner like Tom Daley in an Olympic final to snatch the final try of the game.

Full time score Harlequins 0 – Donaghadee 53.

Donaghadee 2nd XV have built their game with strong defence at the core. The amount of missed tackle could have been counted on the fingers of Fozzy bears left hand. There is a trust in team mates and thoughtfulness of play that has fostered the correct conditions to create success. On a cold night in November the team showed that they could offer a game plan and accuracy of execution that is hard to for opposition to deal with.

The games standout contributors were Ozzie Gordon for standing tall like Gandalf in Lord Of the Rings hollering ‘You Shall Not Pass’ to the attacking Orc horde. That is his unquestionable leadership in defence was undeniable. Andy Armstrong was dialled up to max like a Marshall amplifier pounding out the dulcet tones of Slayer from the pre-match warm up. He was at the heart of the pack and was the most alert and switched on player on the park.

Man of the Match however goes to Dickie Bailey. He operated like Keanu Reeves in the Matrix with the guise of consummate ease and comfort, seeing off all defensive questions and offering an attacking threat that Harlequins simply could not handle.

Dick of the Day has to be awarded to Stevie Cullen. Eye watering cramp in the calves 10 minutes into the game is not only painful and has the mind rushing to self-diagnose all sorts of pulled this and that but the amazing and almost instant healing powers of removing over tight sock tape has to be the medical miracle of the decade!